Who I Am

I'm not quite sure why I've decided to start a blog, but I have, so here we go.  Sorry if my thoughts seem disorganized or my posts don't make sense.  Sometimes when I have a lot on my mind or I am trying to write down a lot of things I get side tracked and jump from thought to thought. But oh well.  I guess I should start by sharing a little bit about myself huh? Well, I am a college student and I'm currently planning on majoring in Family Life Studies.  I am also leaving at the end of the month to serve a mission in Cleveland Ohio for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I'm super excited for that wonderful opportunity to share the gospel with those who are ready to hear it.  I know that Heavenly Father is going to send me to people that are just waiting to hear the message that I have to share with them, and I can't wait to go and do just that.  One of the things that I've been trying to work on lately is having stronger faith in Heavenly Father's plan for me.  I received my mission call on April 3, 2013.  Before that, it seemed like everything in my life was going absolutely perfect.  I knew without a doubt that I was supposed to serve a mission.  I'd received countless confirmation of that in the months prior to me starting my mission papers.  Shortly after receiving my mission call, however, it seemed like everything in my life started to fall apart.  (At least to me it felt like everything was falling apart.)  Before deciding to serve a mission I'd had a few fears about things after I returned from my mission such as school, my job, and finances.  Those fears quickly disappeared though, and although I won't get into details about why, I took all of that as just one of many confirmations that the Lord wanted me to serve.  I was so ready for my mission! I had 3 weeks left of classes and then... Summer! As soon as finals week was over I was going to work and make money and save it so I had savings for when I returned home from my mission.  Sounds like a great plan right? I thought so too.  That is until April 26th when I went to the doctor and found out that I'd fractured my tibia.  I was born with a physical disability called Spina Bifida, and the fracture was a stress fracture causes by the way that I walk.  I was on crutches, and because of that I was unable to work.  In my head I was thinking "Are you kidding me?"  It was the week before finals week.  I was SO close to finally being able to just work and not have to worry about focusing on school and work, and now I was stuck on crutches.  I couldn't understand why it had to happen then.  It was the worst possible timing ever.  Another thing that started making me feel like everything was falling apart was when  I got an email from my adviser in mid April.  She sent me an email to tell me that the requirements for the Special Education major had been changed.  This meant that I'd have to retake the ACT and that I'd have to take two more math classes before applying for the program.  Most anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely hate math.  I'm horrible at it.  I was so discouraged by the thought of having to take two more math classes after coming home from my mission.  I'd been planning on having my parents apply to the program in October and, if I got in, I'd begin the program in January after getting home from my mission.  Now I'd have to wait to apply.  Things were not going as I'd planned and I began wondering if I'd actually made the right choice to serve.  At the time it felt like everything was going wrong and I wondered if I'd gotten the answer to my prayers that I thought I'd gotten.  Was everything going wrong because Heavenly Father didn't want me to serve a mission? Through a series of events that I won't get into for the sake of not making this post too long, I was able to realize that everything was actually going to be okay.  I needed to have more faith that Heavenly Father is very aware of the happenings of my life.  I need to have more patience and faith when things start to look like they might be falling apart.  I need to stop panicking the second something doesn't go the way I thought it should.  A couple weeks ago I found this quote on Pinterest and it brought me a lot of comfort.

As I was thinking about the issues I was having about the changes in the major requirements, and as I talked to my parents about it, I finally decided to look online at all my options of things that I could major in.  I printed off the sheet of paper and began crossing off things that I wasn't at all interested in and left the things that I might be interested in.  After giving thought to the things that I didn't cross off on the list, I finally decided on Family Life Studies.  For the longest time I'd had my whole heart set on majoring in Special Education.  There is just something wonderful about those kids that fills my heart with a joy that I haven't ever found anywhere else.  Coming to the realization That Special Education probably wasn't going to work out for me was a pretty hard realization for me to come to.  I didn't possibly see how I'd ever find something that I'd love as much as I'd loved working in Special Education.  One of the things I've noticed about all the options I've ever considered as a major is that they all involve helping others.  I've considered Special Ed, Social Work, Psychology, ASL Interpreter and now Family Life Studies.  Heck, I even have a minor in FCHD.  One thing I for sure want to accomplish through whatever major I choose is that I want to help others.  I want to make some kind of difference in the life of others.  Even if i can help at least one person, that would be okay.  I'm not sure where this desire to help others and make a difference in the lives of others has come from, but I'm grateful for it. There have been so many people who have made such an impact on my life, and I hope that I can have that same impact on someone else someday.  
Anyway,  one thing i've learned through all this is that sometimes Heavenly Father has a different plan for us than we have for ourselves.  He is VERY aware of the desires of our hearts, but He also knows what is going to be best for us and what is going to bring us the greatest happiness.  There have been so many things in my life where I knew what I wanted, and Heavenly Father didn't give me the exact thing that I wanted, but He gave me something that was basically what I'd wanted, just not exactly the same thing I'd pictured or planned.  The past couple years of my life have definitely not gone the way I'd thought they'd go, but I'm very happy with where I am in life.  I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father loves me enough to give me what He knows I need and not exactly what I think that I need.  I'd be pretty miserable if my life went exactly the way I wanted it to... Or the way I thought I wanted it to go. I'm working on having more faith that things happen for a reason and that everything works out to be perfectly fine in the end.  It always has up to this point in my life, and I know that things will continue to work out for my good and for my benefit.