Mercy

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately because of some conversations that I'd had with a family member recently. I've been thinking about how wonderful it is that God knows ahead of time how to fix everything that we screw up. He knows how to make things right in our lives, even when we may have screwed things up out of our own stupidity. He knows how to save us from our mistakes, or from making bigger mistakes down the road. Now, we have our agency to do what we want, but I love that He places people in our lives and places us where we need to be so that we can be blessed and have everything that we need for our own benefit. More specifically I've been thinking about how God will place people in our lives, take people from our lives or put us somewhere so that we are able to repent and change, or not go deeper than we may have already gone. Not all change can be made on our own and sometimes we may not even want to change; but God loves us. The fact that God is still willing to give us people in our lives to help us and to place us where we need to be so that we can be helped, even when we are undeserving of it or when we may not want to change at all, to me really shows how much mercy Heavenly Father has and wants to give each of us. I love that even when we aren't deserving of it, He is still willing to help us to be in the position we need to be in so that we can come to desire to change and become better. To me that just shows how much Heavenly Father truly loves us. Sometimes it takes a person or a place to make us want to change some bad behavior, and Heavenly Father knows that. I am so grateful for the interference He has had in my life and in the lives of my loved ones that has brought about change in them and in myself. Things don't just happen for a reason. Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us, and He knows that we are not on earth to be perfect and make every right decision. Because of this, He is willing to help us along the way so that we may become perfect, though. It's not an overnight process. Even the smallest change is something that He is proud of. He wants us to return to Him and He is willing to do everything He can to help us along the way. Heavenly Father is so very full of love and mercy. It's such a wonderful concept to me.

Called to Serve

I will be leaving in 17 days for my mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In 17 days I will be leaving my family and heading off the spend the next 18 months in the Cleveland Ohio area finding people who are interested in hearing the message of the gospel. Lately I've been asking myself why I'm going on a mission. It's something that I want to do, but I've still been wondering why I'm doing it. I'm not the most outgoing person that you'll ever meet. I am pretty shy and quiet, especially around strangers. I'm not very talkative until I feel comfortable with someone or unless I get to know someone well enough that I feel like I can be myself around them. I'm not one to just go up to someone and start a conversation with them, especially a stranger. So, I've been asking myself why I've chosen to go out on a mission where I will spend 18 months knocking on doors and approaching strangers every single day, all day long. I am willingly going and placing myself in a situation that is completely out of my comfort zone. And when I say completely out of my comfort zone, I mean it. So in the last little while as I've been wondering why in the world I would willingly place myself that far out of my comfort zone, I've realized a few things.
It made me realize that I have chosen to serve a mission because I have a testimony of the gospel and I want to share it with others. I also have chosen to serve a mission because I have faith that Heavenly Father will watch out for me while I am serving my mission and that I don't need to be afraid. It wasn't until I really actually started to ask myself the question of "why" that I realized just how strong my testimony is. I, as well as all members of the LDS church I'm sure, have had moments where they wonder if their testimony is strong enough. Sometimes we even doubt the things that we know to be true. We all go through those moments. But as I get closer and closer to my report date I've realized that my testimony of the gospel and my love for the gospel is strong enough that it has caused me to do something that I would never do in a million years under any other circumstances. I have come to realize that the gospel is so very important to me and because of that I am willing to go and do my best to bring the message of the gospel to those who are ready and willing to accept it. I know that the message that I have to share must be of incredible importance, because I'm more excited to share it than anything else. I'm not all that afraid to step out of my comfort zone. I'm excited to have the opportunity to share the message of the gospel with others. Growing up in the LDS church has shaped my life into something wonderful and I can't wait to go out and share it with others. There is a happiness that the gospel brings that just can't be found anywhere else. I can't wait to share that message and happiness with others, even if it does mean taking a large hike out of my comfort zone.

I Love My Job

I've been at my job for practically a year already! I work at a local grocery store, and I love it! Like all jobs, it has its good and bad things about it, but overall I really like my job.  One of the things that makes my job so great is the customers.  Sometimes the customers come in my line and yell at their kids and then I have to awkwardly stand there and be super friendly to them while also being slightly terrified as they're yelling at their kids pretty much the whole time.  Usually I just hurry as fast as I can to get them through my line so I don't prolong the awkwardness that I feel.  With the other customers, I just love seeing good being done.  I LOVE when I'm working, and someone ends up not having enough money for their total purchase, and the person behind them offers to pay the difference for them.  It makes my heart so happy to see the kindness that still exists in the world today.  One of the other things that I love is some of the conversations that I end up having with customers.  Sometimes it is the conversations with customers that can make my whole entire day.  Here are just a few of my favorites that I've had over the past year.

The following interaction just melted my heart:
 *Little girl hands me a picture that she colored.*
Little Girl's Mom:  "She colored that and wanted to come and give it to one of the 'payer girls.'
Me: "Oh! Thank you! I love it!"
*Little girl smiles at me.*

Here is the picture that the little girl gave to me.  I will keep it forever.

*Old couple comes through my line.*
Old Woman: "Sorry, I couldn't get that bag of (whatever was in the bag. fruit, I think) to tie."
Me: "It's okay." *Proceeds to tie bag for them*
Old Woman: "Oh! You are so good at tying those bags!"
Old Man:  "She's a knot-head."
Old Woman: "She is not a knot-head! She is a beautiful girl!" *Leans in close to me* "It's the boys who are the knot-heads."

*Boy comes through my line buying flowers*
Me: "These are pretty!"
Boy: "Yeah, they are."
Me: "Who are they for?"
Boy: "Um, just a girl that I know. "
Me: "Oh ok. That is nice of you!"
Boy: Yeah, I guess.  She is mad at me. Well.... I don't know if she is mad at me for sure....  She has a boyfriend though.
Me:"Oh ok"
Boy: "Yeah, but I guess it's a nice thing to do still though, right?"
Me: "yeah, it is."

*Guy comes through my line*
Guy: "It is so cold outside!"
Me: "I know! Is it below zero yet?"
Guy: "No, but it's close.  It's so cold out that I just saw a teenager pull up his pants just a minute ago."

*Woman comes through my line:*
Woman: "My grand daughter's name is Bailey!  She's a little girl though."
Me: "Yeah. I think it's more common of a name now than when I was a kid."
Woman: "How old are you? 16?"
Me: "No.  I'm 21"
Woman: "......oh."

This next one didn't happen to me, but it was pretty priceless so I'm going to share it anyway. I can't remember the conversation exactly but it went like something close to this:
*Woman comes through the line*
Woman: "Oh, I left the giftcard at home that I was going to use!"
Cashier: "Oh dang it!  Don't you just hate when you do that?"
Woman:"Yeah. Ya know what?  I think my son used the giftcard!!"  He was just trying to get me to let him buy it from me, and there is $25.00 on his itunes account and I can't explain how it got there.  That little-*Insert expletive that starts with an S*  I'm going to have to have a word with him about it when I get back home. "
Cashier: "You'll have to let me know how that one goes over!"
Woman: "Okay I will.  Please just promise not to call child services one me in the meantime."

*Old man comes through my line*
Me: Have you had a good day today?"
Old Man: "He** no!!"
Me: "Why not?"
Old Man: "Because I never have a good day."

*Guy comes through my line*
Me: "Just so you know, these donuts are free, because it's after 9pm."
Man: "What? Donuts are free after 9 now?"
Me: "Yep!"
Man: "Sweet!  I just better not let my wife find out about that!"

And my personal favorite is when I get asked this question:
Customer: "Do you want to take my children home with you? If you want then you can have them."

(You'd be surprised how often I actually get offered other people's children. It happens a lot.)
I'm sure there are many other noteworthy conversations that I've had with customers but I can't remember them right this second.  My job truly is great.  I work with wonderful people, and my job is just overall pretty great.  I'm lucky to have a job that I can actually enjoy most of the time and not have to dread going to work every single day.  I'm so grateful for that!

Who I Am

I'm not quite sure why I've decided to start a blog, but I have, so here we go.  Sorry if my thoughts seem disorganized or my posts don't make sense.  Sometimes when I have a lot on my mind or I am trying to write down a lot of things I get side tracked and jump from thought to thought. But oh well.  I guess I should start by sharing a little bit about myself huh? Well, I am a college student and I'm currently planning on majoring in Family Life Studies.  I am also leaving at the end of the month to serve a mission in Cleveland Ohio for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I'm super excited for that wonderful opportunity to share the gospel with those who are ready to hear it.  I know that Heavenly Father is going to send me to people that are just waiting to hear the message that I have to share with them, and I can't wait to go and do just that.  One of the things that I've been trying to work on lately is having stronger faith in Heavenly Father's plan for me.  I received my mission call on April 3, 2013.  Before that, it seemed like everything in my life was going absolutely perfect.  I knew without a doubt that I was supposed to serve a mission.  I'd received countless confirmation of that in the months prior to me starting my mission papers.  Shortly after receiving my mission call, however, it seemed like everything in my life started to fall apart.  (At least to me it felt like everything was falling apart.)  Before deciding to serve a mission I'd had a few fears about things after I returned from my mission such as school, my job, and finances.  Those fears quickly disappeared though, and although I won't get into details about why, I took all of that as just one of many confirmations that the Lord wanted me to serve.  I was so ready for my mission! I had 3 weeks left of classes and then... Summer! As soon as finals week was over I was going to work and make money and save it so I had savings for when I returned home from my mission.  Sounds like a great plan right? I thought so too.  That is until April 26th when I went to the doctor and found out that I'd fractured my tibia.  I was born with a physical disability called Spina Bifida, and the fracture was a stress fracture causes by the way that I walk.  I was on crutches, and because of that I was unable to work.  In my head I was thinking "Are you kidding me?"  It was the week before finals week.  I was SO close to finally being able to just work and not have to worry about focusing on school and work, and now I was stuck on crutches.  I couldn't understand why it had to happen then.  It was the worst possible timing ever.  Another thing that started making me feel like everything was falling apart was when  I got an email from my adviser in mid April.  She sent me an email to tell me that the requirements for the Special Education major had been changed.  This meant that I'd have to retake the ACT and that I'd have to take two more math classes before applying for the program.  Most anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely hate math.  I'm horrible at it.  I was so discouraged by the thought of having to take two more math classes after coming home from my mission.  I'd been planning on having my parents apply to the program in October and, if I got in, I'd begin the program in January after getting home from my mission.  Now I'd have to wait to apply.  Things were not going as I'd planned and I began wondering if I'd actually made the right choice to serve.  At the time it felt like everything was going wrong and I wondered if I'd gotten the answer to my prayers that I thought I'd gotten.  Was everything going wrong because Heavenly Father didn't want me to serve a mission? Through a series of events that I won't get into for the sake of not making this post too long, I was able to realize that everything was actually going to be okay.  I needed to have more faith that Heavenly Father is very aware of the happenings of my life.  I need to have more patience and faith when things start to look like they might be falling apart.  I need to stop panicking the second something doesn't go the way I thought it should.  A couple weeks ago I found this quote on Pinterest and it brought me a lot of comfort.

As I was thinking about the issues I was having about the changes in the major requirements, and as I talked to my parents about it, I finally decided to look online at all my options of things that I could major in.  I printed off the sheet of paper and began crossing off things that I wasn't at all interested in and left the things that I might be interested in.  After giving thought to the things that I didn't cross off on the list, I finally decided on Family Life Studies.  For the longest time I'd had my whole heart set on majoring in Special Education.  There is just something wonderful about those kids that fills my heart with a joy that I haven't ever found anywhere else.  Coming to the realization That Special Education probably wasn't going to work out for me was a pretty hard realization for me to come to.  I didn't possibly see how I'd ever find something that I'd love as much as I'd loved working in Special Education.  One of the things I've noticed about all the options I've ever considered as a major is that they all involve helping others.  I've considered Special Ed, Social Work, Psychology, ASL Interpreter and now Family Life Studies.  Heck, I even have a minor in FCHD.  One thing I for sure want to accomplish through whatever major I choose is that I want to help others.  I want to make some kind of difference in the life of others.  Even if i can help at least one person, that would be okay.  I'm not sure where this desire to help others and make a difference in the lives of others has come from, but I'm grateful for it. There have been so many people who have made such an impact on my life, and I hope that I can have that same impact on someone else someday.  
Anyway,  one thing i've learned through all this is that sometimes Heavenly Father has a different plan for us than we have for ourselves.  He is VERY aware of the desires of our hearts, but He also knows what is going to be best for us and what is going to bring us the greatest happiness.  There have been so many things in my life where I knew what I wanted, and Heavenly Father didn't give me the exact thing that I wanted, but He gave me something that was basically what I'd wanted, just not exactly the same thing I'd pictured or planned.  The past couple years of my life have definitely not gone the way I'd thought they'd go, but I'm very happy with where I am in life.  I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father loves me enough to give me what He knows I need and not exactly what I think that I need.  I'd be pretty miserable if my life went exactly the way I wanted it to... Or the way I thought I wanted it to go. I'm working on having more faith that things happen for a reason and that everything works out to be perfectly fine in the end.  It always has up to this point in my life, and I know that things will continue to work out for my good and for my benefit.